I'm Going to Have the Best Blog Ever (and other lies I tell myself)

So, I did it.

I started a blog.

Not just any blog.

This is going to be THE BEST BLOG EVER.

I just know it..

Many moons ago, when I was in the BK (Before Kids) Time Period, I had this dream to become a writer.  Not a seriously journalist or anything like that.  Let's not get crazy.  I wanted to write stories and novels.  I imagined I'd be pretty good at this.  I was an English major, I taught middle school English (I know that's probably not a great endorsement), I read books.  I knew how to type.

So, my dreams of writing the next great novel have not exactly come to fruition.

I did give birth to four kids though.  That's a pretty big accomplishment, right?

I keep them alive. Every. Single. Day.  That should earn me a lot of gold stars and maybe a stiff drink.

Recently, I had a birthday and I started thinking.  (Insert jokes about hurting myself with all that thinking).  I'm still not a writer.  And it was a dream.  I am not under the false pretense that a blog makes me a writer.  I realize I'm joining ranks with every other person on the planet that has a computer and free time.  But maybe, I can pretend, at least for a little bit, that I'm working towards some kind of dream that doesn't involve having all of my children potty trained or making it through a meal without anyone spilling milk.  (That last one is kind of a fantasy, as in not of this world and never gonna happen).

Of course, I'm going into this starry-eyed and optimistic.  Don't worry, that won't last long.  I'm a tried and true realist.  I don't care if the glass is half empty or half full.  I just want to know how long the glass has been there and who's gonna clean it.

Let's get some things cleared up right now though, before we go any farther.

1) If puke (or any derivatives of the word including but not limited to: puker, pukefest, puke-athon, puking, puked, The Puke King) make you feel, well, pukey, you probably want to find another blog to follow.  There will be puke.  When it happens, there will be a lot.  I will spare you photos (unless any of the puke blobs look like Elvis or something),

2) As the title of this blog may hint at, I am not perfect.  My family is not perfect.  I'm really okay with that.  Honestly.  If you're expecting a Pinterest Mom, don't look here.  Did I even spell Pinterest correctly?  I'm not sure and I'm too lazy to google it. Thankfully, I do have a perfect God that forgives me.  A lot.

3) Speaking of lazy . . . . I"m mostly not except when it's something I don't want to do.  That's probably not laziness, it's more passive agressive-ness, right?  Anyway, one of my concerns about starting The Best Blog Ever is that I won't have the time to make it awesome.  I might not.  This very well may be the only blog entry I ever write.  And this has taken me three days.  So, let's set expectations low, really low.  Then both of us can be pleasantly surprised when I exceed them.

4) So, we have two sons with autism.  This is NOT an autism blog, per se.  Will autism make an appearance?  Of course!  Autism is like my fifth child.  It's really expensive and it doesn't listen very well.  But we still love it because it's here and it's ours.

5)  There will be a lot of sarcasm. It's my love language.

6) I don't plan on debating politics, religion, sports teams, or that Huey Lewis and the News is awesome (they are.  There's no debate about it). I might talk about this stuff and it also doesn't mean it's not important to me but I'm not much a debater.  It kind of bores me . . . all that thinking and explaining yourself.

7)  This is not a couponing blog.  Deals are great.  There are millions of blogs dedicated to finding you the cheapest ketchup possible.  Go ye, search, and ye shall find (just not here).

8) So what is this blog about?  I don't know!  Time, maybe some wine, and hiding out in the closet, hoping my children don't find me, will tell.

This could be the start of something great or something that was possibly the dumbest idea ever.  And maybe I'll just be writing for a few friends and the one lone person that stumbled on to this blog by googling puke+Elvis (this person is going to be so disapppointed).  I guess I won't know until I try.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Never eat yellow snow.  Oh, sorry, I was getting caught up in my cliches. 

Here goes nothing.