I am not a SAHM

Not too long ago, I was filling out an application that asked for my occupation.  I dutifully wrote down, "SAHM."  Then I stared at those letters for a moment.  Is there any occupation on the planet who's title is as far from the truth as possible as "Stay At Home Mom?"

So, I scratched out those letters and wrote my real job title in: Lion Tamer.

That's right, folks.  It's time you knew the truth.  I don't spend my days "staying at home" mommy-ing around.

No, siree.  I am a bonafide, chair-wielding, death-defy Lion Tamer.  (Those capital letters are definitely earned). I know my children aren't large wild cats exactly but there are some striking similarities. For example, try to split three Oreos between four kids.  Just try.  If you don't get the portions exactly right, there will be snarling, growling, posturing, and, very possibly, biting.

Let's not forget that the "stay at home" part of SAHM is a misnomer.  I find myself always rushing around to take someone to school, pick someone up, head to soccer practice, and, for two of our kids, make our way to therapy (lots and lots and lots of therapy).  Am I home more than if I worked?  Yes, but some days, I feel more like a "Drive By Home Mom."  I swing by to grab a bit to eat, change a diaper, move clothes from washer to dryer and then I'm off to take someone somewhere else or to grocery shop or wait in the school pick up line.  I find as the kids get older, this is even more true.  Then they want to have social lives and see their friends or play more sports or go and do things.  

Honestly, I'm doing a whole lot more than "mommy-ing" all day long.  I am chauffeuring, budgeting, planning, chef-ing (yeah, I made that up), cleaning, shopping, ministering, doctoring, daydreaming of a nap, and I could go on and on.


Oh, and the lion taming.  Right.  Well, there's a lot of that.  I might have to remind (read: yell at) a kid or two to stop roughhousing ("No, we do not bite our brother for touching your cookie."), to use kinder words ("Do not tell your brother to 'Shut his mouth.'"), or put some clothes on like a civilized animal, er, person ("Why are you jumping on the trampoline in your underwear?").

These kids aren't going to tame themselves.

I was once at an adult coloring book party at a local bookstore. I sat at a table with a couple of people I knew and about four others I didn't.  We chatted and colored intricately-drawn pictures (or they colored.  I have no patience for it) and ate cookies (that I have plenty of patience for).  We also had the following conversation:

Stranger:  So, what does everyone do for a living?
Another Stranger: I'm a nurse.
Yet Another Stranger: I'm an accountant.
Someone Else:  I'm a behavior specialist.
Stranger, turning to me:  And you?
Me:  I have four kids and I keep them all alive.

I'm not embarrassed to be a SAHM, I just think SAHM is hardly descriptive of what we moms really do.  But maybe you don't think you qualify as a Lion Tamer.  Here are some other title options for you:

• Houston: As in, "Houston, we have a problem."  Mom, we all know it's your job to fix it.
• Zoo Keeper: An acceptable option if you like to be inclusive of all animals.
• Wonder-Woman:  Yup, that's you.  Don't you wish you had a Lasso of Truth and an invisible jet too?
• Chief Home Executive Officer:  Fancy, right?  The pay isn't great unless you like kisses, sticky fingers, and bedtime stories (which I totally do).

Me?  I'll stick with Lion Tamer.  My wild cats need someone to keep them in line, after all.  All I'm saying, Moms, is let's call us what we are.  We are more than women with kids who spend our days at home eating bonbons and gabbing with our friends.  Our "jobs" are a calling, a lifetime of work, and anything but passive and boring.  Exhausting and frustrating at times?  Oh yes.  Humbling and confusing? Yup. Satisfying and fun?  That too.

But never, ever a dull moment.
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