The Picture in the Church Directory

A few months ago, a very sweet woman at our church found me after the service one Sunday. "Sharon, we're putting together a new church directory for the spring."

I winced on the inside.  The church directory is a pictorial directory.  You know, like with pictures.  Like with pictures of your whole family smiling at the same time and looking at the camera at the same time.  For our family, that's like seeing a unicorn, flying pigs, and a purple squirrel at the same time.  Impossible.

A few years ago, our church went with a photography company to take the photos and compile the directory.  For some reason, the photographer was determined to get good pictures of our family.  He must have heard about our two kiddos with autism because he was prepared (um, kind of?).  He may have been a bit too optimistic about his skills as a photographer.  I think our family broke him. Gideon spilled water down the front of him. Daniel refused to cooperate, and instead, he lay down on the ground and activated his "spaghetti arms" when we tried to get him back up. I had to stop twice to feed a very tiny Katherine. At least one boy escaped three different times, plus the torture of individual pictures of each child. We spent more than 45 minutes taking some pretty terrible photos.

The best photo the whole bunch?  Only one kid was actually looking at the camera, two were smiling, and, the best worst part, one of the boys was clearly scratching his crotch at the time.

The photographer tried to sell us this picture.  "You'll laugh at this ten years from now."

Hmmm? And in the ensuing ten years, before it's funny, I can hang this 16x20 portrait on the wall in my living room and stare at my son scratching his crotch every minute of my life? Sounds great.

You can probably see why "It's time for a new church directory" aren't my favorite words.

"Don't worry," the sweet lady at church said.  "You can provide your own picture this time."

That's not so bad, I thought.

"In fact," she went on.  "I have this one I found on Facebook.  Will this work?"  I'm certain she showed me the photo and I'm sure I cringed.  "If you have another one, just get it to me soon."

I probably agree wholeheartedly and added "Find new family photo for church directory" to my mental to-do list and then ten seconds later forgot about directories and family photos and to-do lists because I live on caffeine and three brain cells and prayer.

Friends, the new church directories are here. The same church directory that each family in our church will receive, the same church directory given to new members.  Here's our entry:

 I'll pause for a moment to give you some time to really take it in.

Go ahead, laugh. I know you want to.  In fact, here's a better picture of that picture so you can really get the full effect.

As hilariously bad this photo is, it's the perfect representation of our family.  First, there's me.  I am clearly in the act of doing something "mom-like," most likely whisper-yelling at a kid to "Look at the camera!"  I have Gideon in a headlock so he can't run off and he's not looking at the camera because, well, why would he?  Daniel is front and center, holding Gideon's hand and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Anywhere.  Carl is smiling (probably because he's only wrestling one child and I'm wrestling three.  Hmmmm?).  He does have a two-handed death grip on Katherine, who is also not looking at the camera and gnawing on a finger.

And Ben?  Where's Ben?

There he is.  You might have missed him since he's squished behind Gideon and Daniel and only one eye and half his face is showing. Miracle of miracles, he's smiling and looking at the camera . . . sort of.

This, folks, this, right here, is my family.

I kind of love that this picture in our church directory.  I kind of love that every time someone looks us up, they'll know immediately who we are.  I kind of love that most of the people in our family can't fake a smile and that means, when you get a smile, it's real and it means something.

And I really love that every time I see that picture in our church directory, I have to laugh.  These are my people, for better or for worse, smiles or no smiles, warts and all.

I think that's pretty awesome.