ZOO! Our Latest Trip and My Five Tips to Make the Zoo a Great Experience

Each year for Daniel's birthday in May, we renew our yearly family zoo pass.  The price seems a bit much all at one time but, after doing the math, it pays for itself in about two trips.  Our children love the zoo.  It's probably their most requested "thing to do" so that family pass comes in handy.  But, look, with two kids with autism, crowded, busy, public places are kind of. .  . well, a nightmare.  It can be sensory overload times a thousand on a sunny Saturday at the zoo.

But, you all, I've discovered a secret.  This is how we make trips to the zoo manageable and fun for everyone.  Here is is: we plan our trips for the last two hours of the day.  You will not find us lining up at the gate when the zoo opens.  Instead, we'll be there for the last two hours before it closes.

"But, that's only two hours of zoo time.  You can't see everything in two hours."  I know and that's okay.  We see what we can see in two hours and then we save the rest for another day. Before we even get there, we ask each of the kids what they'd like to see that day and we make sure we get to those exhibits.  We also get zoo maps for the older two and let them "navigate our course."  This is fun for them, great for me (my sense of direction is broken and my map skills are questionable.  You do not want to be lost in the forest with me.  We will die), and, although the kids don't know this, it's educational too. Two hours is also the perfect amount of time.  When we got to the zoo, they kids were excited and ready to explore, but around the two hour mark, they start to look like this:

Two hours seems to be about everyone's (parents included) threshold for zoo fun.

But wait, there's more (yup, I totally sound like an infomercial). The last two hours of the day are the best two hours of the day.  Seriously.  First, living in the Houston area in July means temperatures in the 90's and humidity of 150% (you think that's not possible but come here in July and you'll see I'm not making that up).  In the evening, things start to cool down a bit or at least become slightly less inferno-like. Parking is also much more readily available in the late afternoon. This also means the zoo itself is noticeably less crowded.  There aren't hordes of people to contend with and that immediately makes the trip smoother for us. Less crowds and noise means more fun for our family!

Now, 5 p.m. might be close to dinner time for most of us.  Make sure to bring snacks and water, lots of water.  Our zoo recently installed water bottle fill up stations, which makes refills a snap. As for snacks, pack things that are individually wrapped and easy to eat while walking.  It never fails that five minutes after we've arrived (anywhere, it seems), someone is hungry.  Throw a granola bar at them and proceed to the bears.

Speaking of bears and lions and cougars and giraffes, you'll get to see all of these at the zoo.  Even better, guess what happens at the end of the day?  Feeding time!  But also, the nocturnal animals that always seem to be sleeping when you're at the zoo?  They're awake!  The animals showed up in a big way this trip.

In just two hours, we saw bears play-fighting:

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Cougars stalking our children:

A giraffe that would have licked Daniel if there wasn't that pesky glass:

An ostrich giving my husband the stink eye:

And we took mildly inappropriate pictures of the kids pretending to touch animals' bottoms.(We are that family).

We only had one escaping child (not anywhere close to the gorillas) but he only made it as far as the carousel (which we got to ride for free because it was late in the day, there wasn't a line, and the attendants were awesome).  By an hour or less until closing, all the food establishments are closed and the zookeepers have completed all their talks.  But the lack of crowds far outweighs those things for us.  I can see it in our chldren too.  They are calmer. They have more time to see the animals they'd like to see. They are enjoying themselves more.  Gideon, in particular, seemed to have a wonderful time.  He was fascinated with the animals and engaged and mindful of what was going on around him.

Gideon, checking out some ducks and turtles

Going on outings, for our family, can be very challenging so it's important for us to find ways to make it easier.  We go on these excursions knowing there will be mishaps.  We go, as parents, knowing that it will probably not be fun for us at all.  But we go because these experiences are important to the kids.  Why not try to make them as fun and enjoyable as possible?  Just making a few simple changes to our schedule or remembering to pack an extra snack can make all the difference for us.

Here's what I've found to be my top five tips for the zoo:

1. If you can swing it, get a year family zoo pass.  If you plan on going to the zoo at least twice in a year, it's paid for itself.  We try to go at least once a month.  Your zoo pass also gets you discounts on food and at stores in the zoo.  Plus, many zoos participate in a nationwide reciprocity program.  My zoo pass also allows me entrance into over 150 other zoos for free or at half price.  How cool is that!?
2. Take your trip to the zoo the last two hours of the day.  Check your zoo hours and also makes sure to check the cut off time for allowing visitors in.  (For our zoo, it's an hour before closing). I promise there's better parking and less crowds.  We find a noticeably less busy zoo on any day of the week but Monday thru Thursday seem to be even less crowded.
3. Take snacks and water.  Hydrated kids with full bellies are way happier and more fun. Not many food establishments/snack shacks/etc will be open that late in the day so make sure you're covered.
4. Give your kiddo a map of the zoo and have them plan out your course. Maps seem to be something my oldest son with autism is drawn to so this helps to keep him involved and interested. Plus, if you can sneak some good skills practice in there, all the better.
5. Have each child choose the one animal they need to see and make sure you get to see them that day. Then relax and enjoy yourself.  Don't kill yourself trying to see everything at once. Your trip will be rushed and less fun for everyone.

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Brothers: A Story in Pictures

Maybe it's because I had a sister growing up, but I've always been fascinated by the relationship between my three sons.  Our family dynamic is different from most because two of our boys have autism.  And yet, I see how they turn to each other without thinking, how they play and laugh, and how the fight and make up.  This is the story of my boys in pictures.

First, there were two of them.

Daniel and Ben are 21 months apart.  Almost from the beginning, their personalities were night and day. One quiet, a bit standoffish, always choosing books over people; the other chatty, a people pleaser, and never wanting to be alone.

Gideon came along 17 months after Ben, proving emphatically that God does have a sense of humor. Three boys in three years.  Oh. Boy. Oh. Boy. Oh. Boy.  Gideon brought a new dynamic to our family.  As the third boy, he was also the third opposite.  (Some of you know exactly what I mean by when I say that).

By the time this picture was taken, Daniel had been diagnosed with autism.  The diagnosis made things different and not different all at the same time.  The brothers didn't know a thing about what autism meant.  To them, nothing changed at all.  They still fought and hugged, got on each other's nerves and giggled. 

These two are just 17 months apart and Ben has always looked out for Gideon.  Gideon isn't quite two in this picture (yes, I kept his hair long and flow-y until he was two) but I had begun to suspect he had autism by the time he was 18 month.

Ben has never been one to leave Daniel and Gideon to their own devices.  He was also talking to them, always, and encouraging them to play with him.  By this time, Gideon was just over two and we had started the evaluation process. He was officially diagnosed with autism two days before Christmas.

Gideon's autism became more pronounced as he got older.   Autism looks different in every person and that includes our two boys.  What worked for Daniel, didn't work for Gideon.  It's made for many challenges, both as parents but in finding therapies and treatments.  Still, the boys found ways to have fun together..

Of course, pictures of them all smiling and looking at the camera are rare, like unicorn rare.

Katherine came along four years after Gideon.  The boys seemed to take it in stride even when she insists on being in the middle of everything the boys do.  As you can see, her addition to family photographs did not make picture-taking any easier.

The boys have always shared a bedroom.  First out of necessity and then because they liked it that way.  When they were younger, I would find that Ben crawled into Gideon's crib to nap with him. As they got older, inevitably, each morning, I'd find a couple of them sharing a bed together.    A couple of years ago, we smashed their three beds together.  The boys rarely go to sleep right away but I don't bother them.  I like hearing them giggle and whisper to each other.  They often turn on the closet light and read books together.  It makes my heart so happy to know in these quiet, hidden moments, they are "being brothers" together.

Some days as a brother aren't so good. (Ben didn't like the seating arrangements).

Some days with brothers are full of fun and play . . .

and more than a few fights. (You can read more about this epic photo session HERE).

But the good times always seem to outweigh the bad for them. I'm not sure if it's because they are so close in age. Maybe it's because of the unique role autism plays in our family.  It could just be how their personalities have unfolded.  But I know this: these boys will always have each other.  I know that as they get older, in one way or another, they'll grow stronger as brothers.  They will always have someone to share whatever life throws at them and a shoulder to lean on.  I'm not sure what that will look like and I know it won't always be easy.  I pray they will always find ways to laugh and encourage one another.  Sometimes, as we've learned in our family, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, the most important thing is always being there.  And that's what I pray for these boys--that they will always be there for each other.

One final picture, one of my favorites.  All smiling, all looking at the camera.  All together.

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Dear Ben: For a Boy Who has Two Brothers with Autism

Background:  For those of you that don't know, we have four children.  Our three boys are very close in age.  Daniel is almost 10, Ben is 8, and Gideon is 6.5.  Katherine is 2. Daniel and Gideon both have autism.  Ben does not.  Ben has the attitude of a middle child with the responsibility of a first born.   

 Dear Ben,

In the past year, you've been asking a lot of questions. A few months ago, we sat around the dinner table and you quietly leaned over and asked, "Is Katherine okay, Mommy?  She doesn't have autism, right?"  Your sweet face was so hopeful . . . and scared.  You were afraid of the answer.

It broke my heart a little.

"No, honey," I explained.  "She's not showing any signs of autism.  You have a perfectly normally developing, bossy, chatterbox little sister who will annoy you for years to come."

"Good," you said, smiling and your little shoulders seem to lift just a bit, like a weight had been taken off.

A few weeks later, you were talking to me about big vacation plans you have.  "When Gideon doesn't have the autism stuff anymore," you began.  "We can go to camping or maybe to Disneyland."

I sighed and, yes, my heart broke a little more.

"Ben," I said.  "Gideon and Daniel will always have autism.  It doesn't go away."

You stared at me for a minute with those big brown eyes.  "But Daniel used to be like Gideon and now he's better."

"Daniel has done very well in therapy but Gideon is a different person.  I can't tell you if Gideon will be different in a few years, Ben."  I don't want to say these next words out loud to you or to anyone because I am so scared they are true.  "Gideon may always be exactly like he is today."

Your whole body seems to droop.  My sweet boy, I think you carry the whole world on your shoulders sometimes.  I hate that you feel that way.  "So he might not talk too much?"

I shook my head, too afraid I might start crying if I said it.

"Will he always have to wear pull-ups?"

"I don't know, honey."

"Is he always going to put weird stuff in his mouth?"

"Maybe."  I felt helpless because I can't give you the answers you want.

I'm a mom.  I'm supposed to make you and your brothers and your sister better.  I'm supposed to kiss boo-boos and apply band-aids and dole out popsicles and everything will be just fine.  But, Ben, the truth is I can't fix everything; I can't fix this.

I know you're sad because your brothers have autism.  I know you want someone to play with you and ride bikes and kick the soccer ball around.  Some of those things your brothers can do but, I know, a lot they can't.  I know that sometimes our family can't go places because it's too overwhelming for your brothers and so you miss out on rodeos and rice festivals and amusement parks.  I know that sometimes we can't go on big vacations or even to a movie as a family because it's hard for your brothers or too expensive.  A lot of our family's money goes to pay for therapy.

I know it makes you mad too.  You want to yell and throw things sometimes.  You slam the door when you go outside because you feel like we don't pay enough attention to you or you feel slighted. You just want your brothers to be like other kids.

I can't make that better for you.

But I want you to know that your dad and I do notice you and we are so proud of you.  God could not have made a better brother for Daniel and Gideon.  He gave you something that many of us don't have a lot of; He gave you compassion.  I mean, real, true compassion.  Every one your teachers has pointed it out to me.  "He's the most compassionate six year old I think I've ever seen," one of your teachers told me.  Do you know how big my heart was that day?

"Everyone is my friend, mom," you've told me before and it's true. I watched you once, when you were at your kindergarten Christmas party, see a little boy with special needs sitting by himself.  You sat next to him and helped him open the present in front of him and read it with him.  No one told you do to it.  You just did because that's who you are.  I know that you would never let anyone who people think are different get picked on.  You would stand up and defend someone who couldn't defend themselves. You understand that sometimes people are different.  Maybe that's part of because of your brothers and maybe that's just part of you.

Don't ever lose this.  Don't ever forget that everyone deserves kindness and compassion.

Sometimes being in our family isn't easy but we have fun too.  We laugh a lot and your brothers never seem to mind if you pick the movie we watch.  You whisper to each other at night in the bedroom you all share together or sneak the light on and read books (Yes, I know about that!). You love jumping on the trampoline together or running through the sprinkler in your underwear or chasing each other around the house.  You all love to annoy me together!

I know our family is different from most of the people we know.  I know we ask a lot of you sometimes.  I know sometimes you will be angry and frustrated and sad.  (Mommy and Daddy are too sometimes).  I know you'll wish things were different some days.

But I want you to know that we are so proud of the young man you are becoming.  Keep being who God made you to be in the family God put you in.

I love you so much,
Mom

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