Maybe it's because I had a sister growing up, but I've always been fascinated by the relationship between my three sons. Our family dynamic is different from most because two of our boys have autism. And yet, I see how they turn to each other without thinking, how they play and laugh, and how the fight and make up. This is the story of my boys in pictures.
First, there were two of them.
First, there were two of them.
Daniel and Ben are 21 months apart. Almost from the beginning, their personalities were night and day. One quiet, a bit standoffish, always choosing books over people; the other chatty, a people pleaser, and never wanting to be alone.
Gideon came along 17 months after Ben, proving emphatically that God does have a sense of humor. Three boys in three years. Oh. Boy. Oh. Boy. Oh. Boy. Gideon brought a new dynamic to our family. As the third boy, he was also the third opposite. (Some of you know exactly what I mean by when I say that).
By the time this picture was taken, Daniel had been diagnosed with autism. The diagnosis made things different and not different all at the same time. The brothers didn't know a thing about what autism meant. To them, nothing changed at all. They still fought and hugged, got on each other's nerves and giggled.
These two are just 17 months apart and Ben has always looked out for Gideon. Gideon isn't quite two in this picture (yes, I kept his hair long and flow-y until he was two) but I had begun to suspect he had autism by the time he was 18 month.
Ben has never been one to leave Daniel and Gideon to their own devices. He was also talking to them, always, and encouraging them to play with him. By this time, Gideon was just over two and we had started the evaluation process. He was officially diagnosed with autism two days before Christmas.
Gideon's autism became more pronounced as he got older. Autism looks different in every person and that includes our two boys. What worked for Daniel, didn't work for Gideon. It's made for many challenges, both as parents but in finding therapies and treatments. Still, the boys found ways to have fun together..
Of course, pictures of them all smiling and looking at the camera are rare, like unicorn rare.
Katherine came along four years after Gideon. The boys seemed to take it in stride even when she insists on being in the middle of everything the boys do. As you can see, her addition to family photographs did not make picture-taking any easier.
The boys have always shared a bedroom. First out of necessity and then because they liked it that way. When they were younger, I would find that Ben crawled into Gideon's crib to nap with him. As they got older, inevitably, each morning, I'd find a couple of them sharing a bed together. A couple of years ago, we smashed their three beds together. The boys rarely go to sleep right away but I don't bother them. I like hearing them giggle and whisper to each other. They often turn on the closet light and read books together. It makes my heart so happy to know in these quiet, hidden moments, they are "being brothers" together.
Some days as a brother aren't so good. (Ben didn't like the seating arrangements).
Some days with brothers are full of fun and play . . .
and more than a few fights. (You can read more about this epic photo session HERE).
But the good times always seem to outweigh the bad for them. I'm not sure if it's because they are so close in age. Maybe it's because of the unique role autism plays in our family. It could just be how their personalities have unfolded. But I know this: these boys will always have each other. I know that as they get older, in one way or another, they'll grow stronger as brothers. They will always have someone to share whatever life throws at them and a shoulder to lean on. I'm not sure what that will look like and I know it won't always be easy. I pray they will always find ways to laugh and encourage one another. Sometimes, as we've learned in our family, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, the most important thing is always being there. And that's what I pray for these boys--that they will always be there for each other.
One final picture, one of my favorites. All smiling, all looking at the camera. All together.
Gideon's autism became more pronounced as he got older. Autism looks different in every person and that includes our two boys. What worked for Daniel, didn't work for Gideon. It's made for many challenges, both as parents but in finding therapies and treatments. Still, the boys found ways to have fun together..
Of course, pictures of them all smiling and looking at the camera are rare, like unicorn rare.
Katherine came along four years after Gideon. The boys seemed to take it in stride even when she insists on being in the middle of everything the boys do. As you can see, her addition to family photographs did not make picture-taking any easier.
The boys have always shared a bedroom. First out of necessity and then because they liked it that way. When they were younger, I would find that Ben crawled into Gideon's crib to nap with him. As they got older, inevitably, each morning, I'd find a couple of them sharing a bed together. A couple of years ago, we smashed their three beds together. The boys rarely go to sleep right away but I don't bother them. I like hearing them giggle and whisper to each other. They often turn on the closet light and read books together. It makes my heart so happy to know in these quiet, hidden moments, they are "being brothers" together.
Some days as a brother aren't so good. (Ben didn't like the seating arrangements).
Some days with brothers are full of fun and play . . .
and more than a few fights. (You can read more about this epic photo session HERE).
But the good times always seem to outweigh the bad for them. I'm not sure if it's because they are so close in age. Maybe it's because of the unique role autism plays in our family. It could just be how their personalities have unfolded. But I know this: these boys will always have each other. I know that as they get older, in one way or another, they'll grow stronger as brothers. They will always have someone to share whatever life throws at them and a shoulder to lean on. I'm not sure what that will look like and I know it won't always be easy. I pray they will always find ways to laugh and encourage one another. Sometimes, as we've learned in our family, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, the most important thing is always being there. And that's what I pray for these boys--that they will always be there for each other.
One final picture, one of my favorites. All smiling, all looking at the camera. All together.
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