The One Reason We are Homeschooling (and Yes, There's Only One)

For those of you who are new readers, I have four children.  Daniel, 10, Ben, 8, Gideon, 6, and Katherine, 2.  Both Daniel and Gideon have autism.  Ben is 8 going on 35 and Katherine is, well, she's two.
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Over the last month, my husband and I have reached a decision. It's a big one.  No, not what series we're going to watch next on Netflix.  (Although, suggestions are always appreciated there).  This decision is something we've thought long and hard about and here it is:  Next year, we will be homeschooling our two oldest boys, Daniel and Ben.

We didn't make this choice on a whim and I'd wager it was one the harder decisions I've made recently.   Am I nervous?  Yes.  Do I have a fear that I could possibly be screwing up our children?  Kind of.  Do I think I can handle it?  I have no idea. But the reason for homeschooling, and there's only one, is such a big, hairy one that I'm going to have to get over my issues and just do it.

First, though, let me clear up a few things up.

We are not homeschooling because we hate the public school system. I don't.  I believe if all parts are working properly, the public school system can be quite successful. Over our last three years at our local school, my boys have had wonderful experiences.  We have loved all of our teachers and aides (and I'm not just saying that because several of them might very well be reading this right now). School, for the most part, has been a very positive experience for us.

We are not homeschooling because we hate high stakes testing.  Although, let me clear, I do hate high stakes testing.  I don't particularly care for how the curriculum is tailored to passing the test.  It takes a great deal of control out of the teachers' hands.  The teachers, you know those people who are passionate about kids and learning and went to school to get to degrees to do their jobs and do them well, are often required to teach certain curriculum in a certain way.  As a former teacher, I know how frustrating that can be.  Also, just to be clear, I'm not wholly against standardized tests when those tests were used as they were intended to be use.  Their original intent was to be a tool for teacher, to see where students had gaps in knowledge and therefore tailor teaching appropriately.  Sadly, standardized tests have now become the end-all-be-all of education and, as an area superintendent once told me, kids aren't faces anymore, they're just "a social security number and a score."

We are not homeschooling because we are worried about the negative influence of other children and society at large.  Of course, we're careful about what we expose our kids to and, yes, they've discovered "new" things at school that we weren't thrilled about (ie. a certain underwater sponge I could have lived my life never hearing about).  But we talk to our children about these things and it's opened up good conversations.

We are not homeschooling because we feel school is unsafe or our children have been bullied. One of my biggest concern when we started school was that Daniel would be teased because of his autism but we've seen just the opposite happen.  The students have all rallied around him.  They don't seem to mind his idiosyncrasies and, in fact, Daniel has earned a reputation as class clown.  He makes the kids laugh; the kids look out of him.

Honestly, there's only one real reason for choosing to homeschool our two oldest boys and it's this:  It is the best thing for Daniel and Ben.

That's it.

This past school year, Ben has struggled and struggled in the areas of writing, reading, and language arts.  In October, his teacher called me in and expressed concern.  She suggested that Ben be evaluated for dyslexia.  As I read more about dyslexia and watched Ben and how he struggled, my gut told me this was a real concern.  After two evaluations, Ben's scores are "too high" for him to qualify for any additional help.  Ben's teacher and I were stunned by these results.  The second evaluation done by a third party doctor (as requested by me and paid for by the school district) diagnosed him with a learning disability in written expression.  We were told that a year from now, he would likely qualify to receive services; right now, he's able to compensate.  "Let him fail the state test," she said.  "Then they'll {the school} will pay attention." But we cannot sit back and watch him fail.  Ben is a smart, sensitive guy and we have watched his self-confidence take a nose-dive this year.  He sees himself failing and he doesn't know how to fix it.  He's literally the kid falling between the cracks in our public school system and, sadly, he's not the only one.

The teachers, diagnosticians, and administrators have worked with us all year.  We've tried to come up with a good solution but their hands are tied.  Our state education agency creates the requirements for receiving special education services and school districts are bound by it.  Our state is one the most difficult to receive special education services in.  So, Ben and kids like him don't get the help they need and they fall further behind until they do qualify or just stop trying.

Our family cannot afford private school or private tutoring or specialized readings programs (some of which cost up to $2000 a week).  But I can provide him with one-on-one instruction at home.  We can go back to "the beginning" and we can work towards mastery.  This next year at home will be about building Ben's self-confidence as well as his reading and language arts skills.  This next year will be about giving him a solid footing and, I pray, a chance to reboot and love learning again.

Daniel, on the other hand, has had a more challenging year this year than ever before.  When I had my last parent-teacher conference this year, his teacher wrote: "Daniel is very smart, but he learns better one-on-one."  And he does, folks.  He really does.  Daniel could care less about tests (standardized or otherwise).  He doesn't give a flying fig about grades.  He is capable of doing the work but there are areas he's lagging in.  He does have in class support but not every second of his day and not just for him.  Daniel's autism gets in the way of school sometimes.  He will only work as hard as he's pushed and, sometimes, in a classroom full of kids, there's not time to push him as hard as he needs to be.  I hope with more time and one-on-one attention, we can see him blossom.

Incidentally, Gideon will be starting public school because we feel like this is the best option for him. Katherine, hopefully, will start a two day a week preschool program. One thing that has been pounded into me this last year is that each child is different.  Each of their stories, their struggles, and their strengths are different.  The solution is not one size fits all (just to make life less boring and more complicated).

I don't expect this to be easy.  I'm not under the delusion that I'll stock up on school supplies and a few math books and we'll be smiling and giggling all the days.   That's not going to happen.  This will be hard work because hard work is needed.  We have to unlearn how they've been taught to "do school" and learn how school will work in our house.  We will have challenges.  But for now, right at this moment, I am confident this is the best thing for Daniel and Ben and, in the end, that's what matters most.

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