A few years ago, we reconnected on Facebook and I've been following along as her family grew and she's been following along as we found (are finding?) our way with The Autism. Over the summer, I received a personal message from her and it meant a great deal to me. With her permission, I get to share it with you all.
"Hi Sharon,
I just have to share this random story with you, simply because I was thinking of you the whole time it was occurring. So, last night, we went to a BBQ at a house of a guy my husband works with. My husband had told me that this man, Greg, was "different" or "odd," but a really good guy. I took in the info and off we went to the BBQ.
Upon meeting Greg, I almost instantly recognized several signs of someone on the autism spectrum. He avoided eye contact; his house was what I would call "cluttered" (although I later found each and every thing had its place when I moved something); we were not offered metal utensils and only used plastic as he does not like the feel of metal; he asked me if I liked fossils (yes), then proceeded to show me his fossil collection with a scientific explanation behind each one (this lasted about 1/2 hour and he never once looked me in the eye or sensed my waning interest); each trinket he showed me had an exact place for it, and when I placed one back in the wrong spot, he danced around a bit and basically moved me out of the way to get it back to its precise location.
There's more, but you get the picture. Now, I don't claim to be a spectrum expert, but with 15 years of teaching experience, I can usually spot the signs, and Greg's were overwhelming.
Why share this story with you? Greg has a successful career, is married to a neat woman, and has two very unique but fabulous children. He has converted his garage to a climbing gym, allows his children to climb to the tops of doors (or anywhere else), has a whole room full of awesome reptiles in aquariums, and is living a very great life.
Knowing how much we love our children, I thought of you, and this wonderful life you live with your boys. My eyes were opened a little more last night, and I thought about you. Thanks for always sharing your life, your struggles, and what the future may hold for you. I think I might have seen what it could be last night. I hope this isn't weird or somehow offensive--if it is, please do let me know as I did not mean anything offensive. It was just such a cool inside look at how "that weird kid," as I'm sure he was labeled, can grow up to be a really cool dude!"
I love so very many things about this letter but the thing I love the most is this: hope. Of course, I hope my boys go on to lives as successful, independent members of society. Many people with autism do. Sometimes those people have never been diagnosed with anything except being "weird" or "quirky." I would bet if you looked back, you could name a college professor or two that had some very strong spectrum-y qualities.
The flip side is also true though: many autistic adults will not be able to live independently. Most still live at home with their parents. Many may not be able to work or communicate. Many will not marry and have families of their own.
Our two sons represent both sides of the coin.
But the hope for me in this letter is this: I can have hope because people like Melissa exist. She sees the person and not just the autism. She found the beauty in the quirkiness. She wasn't put off by lack of eye contact or detailed (I can just imagine) descriptions of his fossils. She appreciated him for those things.
She accepted him for him.
That. That right there. That's the hope. As a mom of two autistic boys, I'm always worried that people see the diagnosis and not the person. And because of this, that they'll be treated as less than a person. It's a constant, daily struggle for me. Thankfully, our family has been very blessed to be surrounded by friends and a church family that see our boys and accept them just as they are--the good, the bad, and the quirky.
See, my sons just want to feel accepted and loved no matter who they are or what their quirks happen to be.
Then again, I think all of us could say the same thing.
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As you might know, April is Autism Awareness Month. For our family, every day is a day for autism awareness. We try to spread it everywhere we go, whether people like it or now. I thought to challenge myself this month to share story about autism in our family every day. Every day this month. That's a lot of days but, then again, I have a lot of stories.
I would urge you this month, this very day, to find someone you know touched by autism and do something for them. Maybe take coffee to an autism mom you know. Maybe a quick note of encouragement. Maybe just a hug. Maybe offer to watch a kiddo (or four) for an hour or two so their parents can go on a date (or take a nap). Maybe find a local organization in your area that gives directly to autism families and find out how you can help too. Maybe praying for them specifically every day. Know that whatever you do, it will appreciated.
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