Children with autism tend to be very curious and many can have issues with elopement (a fancy word for running away) with very little thought of personal safety. These two things combined are the biggest reason why you can spot an autism mom in public places. We have our eyes on our children at all times. We dress them in obnoxiously bright colors so that we can spot them easily. Our attempts at conversation seem distracted and choppy and we interrupt a lot by saying, "I'm so sorry. Just one second," because we either have to go and grab a child or yell at a child. We're kind of a mess, but we're a lovable mess.
Back to the time we lost a child for the first time . . . . Daniel was five. We're were at some friends' house for our small group Bible study. It was a nice early spring day so all the kids were outside playing. A group of parents mingled, kept small children from eating grass, and wandered around. That's all to say, there were more than ten other people outside on the day this happened.
These friends of ours has a covered area behind their garage that they'd propped a ladder on and made a faux tree house. It stood six feet off the ground and the kids loved climbing up there and hanging out. Daniel was no different.
About fifteen minutes after we arrived, it was time to eat so we called all the kids in. Everyone came running, except for Daniel. That was unusual because Daniel liked to eat and while he might not come if I said, "It's time to brush your teeth," he did always come when I said, "It's time to eat."
"Where's Daniel?" I asked. The kids shrugged their shoulders, the adults shook their heads. So, I started calling for him but Daniel, even now at almost ten, isn't very good at answering me when I call his name. I tried not to panic at first (but I was definitely panicking). I did a quick search of the yard but he was nowhere. Soon, other people began to help me thoroughly search the yard, the garage, the house, everywhere he had access to.
He was gone.
I ran out to the street, praying the whole time, and began to frantically yell for him, scanning the area for any sign of him. Nothing. Finally, someone shouted from the backyard, "We found him."
I raced back to find a previously locked gate open between our friends' yard and the neighbor's behind them. Daniel stood on the other side, drenched from his head to his toes.
He was smiling. I was not.
Daniel must have noticed the neighbor's backyard for the first time that day. From perched atop the pseudo tree house, he could look out and see the neighbors had a pool. Daniel likes water. He likes water a lot. Last summer, he told me he being underwater makes him "feel like he's flying" and he likes the quiet. So, I'm sure as soon as he saw that pool, he wanted to be in that pool.
While ten of us stood around, Daniel managed to drop himself over the six foot fence to get in the neighbor's yard and then he got in their pool, wearing all his clothes, including jeans. For some reason, when he heard us calling for him, he got out and began knocking on the fence until someone heard him.
He didn't seem any worse for the wear. In fact, he seemed pretty pleased with himself. I was a basket case. How could this possibly happen? I'd been right there. Other people had been right there. How can a six foot fence not keep him safe?
In our case, thank God, Daniel was safe. But many times, tragedy happens. I think one of my biggest worries is that one of the boys will run off or escape somehow. We take as many precautions as we can but sometimes they are smarter and faster than us. Many parents deal with elopement issues well into their child's teen years, even adulthood. It's real and it's scary.
If you're hanging out with a autism mom and her kid, you can help by being eyes and ears for them. If you happen to come across a child that seems lost and non-verbal or very limited in language, please call 911 and keep the child safe. Make sure to keep your voice quiet and soothing but tell them exactly what is happening. Non-verbal does not mean they don't understand. Only touch them if they seem comfortable with it. Finally, realize that being a mom of an autistic child is hard and we make mistakes. It does not mean we don't love our children any less or that we are bad parents. It means we have more struggles than you do. If parenting is a "learn-on-the-job" skill, then parenting a child with autism is baptism by fire.
Frankly, I need all the help I can get.
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