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I have always been a shy, quiet type of guy and this reputation has followed me for many years. One time, I went caroling with a group of friends. Some knew me well and others were only acquaintances. We had a great time even though it might have been the coldest night in the history of Houston. When we were finished, we dropped off some of our friends at church. I got out of the car to switch seats and one person said, “He did not say one word the entire time!” This became a running joke with some of my close friends. But that’s who I was, I was very shy and did not say much except to those I was close.
I have always had a problem sticking up for myself or
pushing for what I want. I have never
been good at interviews. I have always
thought of myself, if only subconsciously, a little less than others. At seminary, I always loathed those who would
kiss up to the professors. I swore that
I would never be that guy. I, after all,
had principles. But I was also not good
at asking about or planning how to turn my calling into my career. I have always been inside my own bubble.
My children, especially Daniel and Gideon and their autism, have pushed me
out of my bubble. I have had to do not
necessarily what I want, but what I need, to help be a good father and provider
for them. I am usually very even-tempered.
However, if you want to see my bad side,
if you want me to really get angry, then mess with my family. Once, a person very close to me, made fun of
Daniel. Usually I can keep my temper in
check but he was messing with my son and that would not do. I tore into him. He was very surprised but I did not back
down. He ended up apologizing for his
behavior.
When I was a chaplain, the nice-y nice Jesus who loved the
sinners and suffered with them was stressed.
Lost was the Jesus who overturned tables or said to one of his disciples,
“Get thee behind me Satan.” Jesus loved
so much that He could not only remain gentle Jesus, meek and mild, he got
angry. He was angry because He loved and
glorified the Father and because He loved His church. As a Christian man and Father, I must get
angry sometimes and make sure others know about it.
I do not completely know why it has taken me this long to
realize this truth in practice. I often
gave lip service to it but I am only now able to start practicing showing anger
for the right reasons, for the ones I love.
For the helpless and suffering.
For the ones who can’t fight for themselves or cannot speak for
themselves. I truly love my family and I
must show my love by fighting for them.
Sometimes
that also means stepping out of my comfort zone for what I want. More flexibility at work. Going in earlier so I can be home early
enough to eat dinner with my family. Maybe it is going out of my comfort zone
so I can find a job I am passionate about and support my family. It can take many forms but I have learned
that as a man, I cannot sit passively by and let life happen. I must prayerfully lead my family into life
as we love, worship, and give glory to God together.
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